Born to be…..


Pregnant lady lying near us, seems like she is in labor but determined to stay for Adam.


Scene:  7 years later

Mother and Child sitting around the kitchen table.

Child:  Mommy, where was I born?

Mother:  You were born in Las Vegas, honey.

Child:  No, I mean what hospital?

Mother:  You weren’t born in a hospital, sweetie.

Child:  Well, then where?

Mother:  You were born at Mandalay Bay.

Child:  What’s that?

Mother:  Well, it’s a casino, but not really.  It has a beach.  Well, it’s not a real beach, because there’s no ocean.  But it’s a place where people pretend that they’re at the beach while they listen to music.

Child:  Why was I born there?

Mother:  Well, sweetie, Mommy really, really wanted to go hear this singer.  And so, even though it was 2 weeks past my due date, and even though the doctor said I shouldn’t go…I just had to.

Child:  So what happened?

Mother:  I got there and it was very, very hot.  I stood for hours waiting to see the concert.  Finally, the singer came out, and just as he started to sing…I felt my first labor pain.   I figured, oh well, it’s early, but as the music got louder and louder, the pains came stronger and stronger.  But I just couldn’t leave.  Nothing was going to stop me from being there.  So just as the singer finished his last song, I felt this great urge, and I pushed….and well, there you were!

Child:  Then did we go to the hospital?

Mother:  Of course not.

Child:  Why not?

Mother:  You didn’t think I was going to miss the encore, did you?  Why don’t you run along 0utside and play, Lambertina?


August 3, 2010. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

I’m Baaaaack!

I know…it’s been awhile since I’ve been here…actually more than a year.  Life has been busy, life has been great.  Amazing how much life can change in a very short period of time!

So, I’ve been out and about on the internet.  I keep thinking…okay people have calmed down, reality has set in.  Well, golly gee whiz, was I wrong!

I’ve been having fun watching the Adam Lambert live stream twitters!  Good God, almighty, when did insanity become the norm? 

It’s like porn, I swear to God.  I really don’t want to hear how wet your panties have become, I really don’t care to hear about how you are going to turn Adam straight, I don’t really want to hear your fantasies of what Adam and “un-named guy” do after a show.

Go.  Listen To the Music.  Enjoy The Show.  Then leave, and go home to your life.  Then try to figure out how you are going to pay for next week’s groceries,  since you used that money to travel to see God. 

I’m beginning to think that American Idol is the Devil’s Work. 

July 24, 2010. Uncategorized. 12 comments.

Trick Or Treat!

Halloween will soon be here.  Need ideas for a costume this year?

How about going as your favorite Idol contestant?   Idol performers are not just known for their musical talent.  The most memorable are known for their hairstyle!  Just pop on one of these wigs and you’ll stand out in a crowd.

First, you’ll need your Idol Number:

Then pop on one of these “American Idol” wigs, and let the fun begin!  See if you can guess who these Idols are:

Happy Halloween!!!

October 28, 2008. Tags: , , . Uncategorized. 400 comments.

The Crazy List…Legitimate Excuses for Being Nuts.

Your baby’s daddy ran off with your mama and they’re getting married because she’s pregnant with your sister.

You just got a letter from the IRS. They claim you owe them $2.45 in back taxes and $1,476,345.95 in penalties.

You just received your 1,000th robocall from the Republican Party.

Your neighbor’s son started a garage band…in their garage.

You have to call the customer service department of a major corporation. The last time you called, you spent 20 minutes talking to “John” in India. 15 minutes of that time was spent trying to get John to spell your name.

Accordion/Bagpipe Music is piped into your office. Enough said.

The Jerry Springer show called. They’d like you to come be on the show for a “surprise”.

You have messages from the Law Office of Schitt & Schitt asking you to return their call.

Thank you to YASM for this topic idea. Please feel free to add your own excuses.

October 22, 2008. Tags: , . Uncategorized. 134 comments.

I Can See It Now!

Coming soon to a strip mall near you.

Announcing the grand opening of Schitt & Schitt law offices. Unlike any other law firm, we specialize in American Idol lawsuits.

Has somone been disparaging your Idol? Did they say that Clay was gay? Did they post that Daughtry had no talent? Did they blog that Taylor was a loser?

These actions could mean big money for you! For a small retainer, our firm is ready to take on these naysayers.

Stop all that internet gossip about your favorite idol! Call us at 1-800-YOU-STFU today!

October 17, 2008. Tags: , . Uncategorized. 175 comments.


October 15, 2008. Tags: . Uncategorized. 54 comments.


Planning a trip to Nice? Asses Travel Guide is here to help! Since I’ve heard that they speak another language over there, I’m here to provide a few key phrases for you to learn before your trip. Practice these every day, and people will think you’re a native.

Patrouille d’Âme

Soul Patrol



où est mcdonalds

where is mcdonalds

Ayez-vous vu un homme à cheveux gris

Have you seen a grey haired man?

Mais l’Officier, je suis vraiment son chanteur de renfort. Je dois entrer dans le studio tout de suite.

But Officer, I really am his backup singer. I need to get into that studio right away.

Oh mon Dieu. J’ai passé tout cela l’argent et je n’ai pas même fini le voir.

Oh my god. I spent all this money and I didn’t even get to see him.

Pourquoi Jerry Lewis ?

Why Jerry Lewis?

Bon Voyage!

October 12, 2008. Tags: , , . Uncategorized. 21 comments.

Color Me Confused

It has been so so long since I gave him a second thought…

I said he wasn’t recording right now. Never said he has never recorded in fact he did some before Grease.

he’s not in the studio right now and the climate isn’t changing. Not at all. A news article is a news article. Hope it works out for him. But remember I’m not the one who has been waiting for a new CD or a tour.

You truly must believe that I “hate” Taylor. Couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m glad he’s supposedly gonna get that CD out early next year.

. I hope it works out for him and he does some damn fine music, but I’m gonna believe it when and if I see it.

I mean look at the extreme lengths he went to to cover up last years “scandal”

No one is bashing Taylor. We are stating our opinions.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe the sun went to my head. It’s hard to believe that the same person makes these statements.

Reminds me of this:

October 9, 2008. Tags: , , . Uncategorized. 314 comments.

Did You Miss Me?

Well, it doesn’t look too bad in here.

There does seem to be quite a few empty tequila bottles strewn around.

I don’t suppose anybody wants to explain to me why there’s toilet paper hanging from the rafters and the toilets are filled with confetti?

Tappanga, I brought you back your snow globe. In fact, I brought back one for each of you!

As soon as I get settled back in, I’ll have to do a little board surfing and catch up!

October 7, 2008. Tags: , . Uncategorized. 19 comments.

Leaving On A Jet Plane

See this picture? In less than 48 hours, this will be me.

In a little over 24 hours, I’m jetting away from some R&R…You all have driven me to the point that I need a break!


J/K, this has been planned for awhile. I must say I’m a little nervous leaving the playground open for you folks. Lord only knows what I might come back to find. I feel like a parent who’s leaving their children alone for the first time.

I’m afraid I might come back to either this:

or this:

Play nice children, and make Momma proud!

September 30, 2008. Tags: . Uncategorized. 53 comments.

Next Page »