How To Tell If You’re Over-Invested

1. You know the exact mileage between your home and Birmingham, Alabama.

2. You actually moved to Birmingham, Alabama.

3. You have used the words “cease and desist” or “restraining order” in a post.

4. You actually had a “cease and desist” order served on you.

5. You have written your first name followed by the last name of Hicks on a piece of paper.

6. You legally changed your last name to Hicks.

7. You have pictures of Taylor Hicks all over your desk.

8. You photoshopped Taylor’s face over your husband/boyfriend’s face in a picture on your desk.

9. You have a Soul Patrol bumper sticker on your car.

10. You have a Soul Patrol tattoo on your body.

Scoring…Please give yourself 1 point for each true statement.

1-3 You are mildly over-invested. Back away from the computer and go outside and enjoy the world.

4-7 You need to take steps now to heal yourself. There are counselors available to talk to you.
Call 1-800-TAY-FREE for free, confidential help.

8-10 It’s too late, baby.

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June 29, 2008. Tags: , , . Uncategorized. 24 comments.

The Things I Do For My Friends!

My friend and I were shopping one day. We went into a jewelry store, and my friend was immediately drawn to a necklace in a glass case. It was a very intricate design, with loops of gold spelling out a name. Her name! She and the owner began talking, and he told her that it was a one of a kind design, that only one had been made, and then the mold had been broken. She very much wanted to buy the necklace, but though she worked very hard, she did not have the money to pay for such a luxury. We left the store eventually, but all she talked about for the rest of the day was that necklace.

The next day, I went back to the store and I bought the necklace. I didn’t buy it for myself, I bought it for her. She can have it if she wants it. All she has to do is ask.

In the meantime, I put the necklace on every once in awhile, and look at myself in the mirror. It really is a beautiful necklace!

Some of my friends think I’m wrong for doing this, but I just don’t get it.

Girls can really be catty…can’t they?

June 26, 2008. Tags: . Uncategorized. 28 comments.

Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda

scream

I’ve been spending too much time reading the fan boards. Evidently, Taylor needs to stop making his decisions based on his own instinct, intelligence and experience.

He just needs to read the boards for all future career guidance.

Who da knew it was that easy?

Aspirin, anyone?

June 20, 2008. Tags: , , . Uncategorized. 11 comments.

Dear (Fill In The Blank),

We, the undersigned fans, are writing to alert you to our concerns. We are sending you this letter because we are concerned about the choices you have been making lately. If you continue along this path, we will be forced to withdraw our support.

Face it, celebritydom has changed. No longer are you allowed to make your own creative choices or decisions about your career on your own. If you don’t do what we expect and demand from you, we will desert you faster than a rat from a sinking ship. Is that what you want?

We don’t think so. We made you what you are today. We can and will destroy you tomorrow. It’s your choice.

If you have any further questions, you can contact us at 1-800-IMA-NUTS.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Very Conditionally Yours,
The Fickle Fans

June 15, 2008. Tags: . Uncategorized. 7 comments.

I Got My Bell, I’m Gonna Take You To Hell!

From The Mail Bag:

HellsBells:
And by the way Asses, if those people were paying attention to you and picking on you then I could see what your motivation would be. But they are not. So who looks bad? You do. It’s like you want to stir trouble and bring bad feelings and fan wars and that is lame. If you were a logical person like you say you are, IF you were, you would see that very clearly. It’s just sad that you can’t move on to something more positive.

And why aren’t you posting what I write? Too true?

(Ask and ye shall receive!)

(Italics are mine)

I think MFOYA did a pretty nice job at making fun of people (something many people did not like) so if that’s what you set out to do I guess myself and many others are missing your “fun.”

(There were many who missed out on the “fun” that was MFOYA. I can think of a couple of people in particular.)

You’re beating a dead horse and picking on people who are not celebs, just fans you disagree with.

(Dead Horse? That’s funny. No really, it is.)

Why don’t new posters take part in all your making fun?

(Don’t know, don’t care)

Why is your blog the least successful of all the recent blogs?

(Don’t know, don’t care)

Because it’s not funny. I love funny stuff but this really isn’t funny.

(Then why are you here?)

I’m starting to think maybe you just like having these 4 posters tell you how great you are and that’s what keeps you going.

(It’s what I live for…it’s what I pray for. It’s the reason I get up in the morning, and the reason I sleep peacefully at night)

But can’t you think of something better to do to make yourself feel good then waste your time on stalking blogs and their every move and post?

(Well, I thought about going for world peace, but Miss America had that job sewn up, so I took this one instead. Why are you here? And why so often?)

By the way, you might want to go back and re-read that blog you’re talking about. You may have missed some of their “positive” points.

June 11, 2008. Tags: , . Uncategorized. 8 comments.

The Blog That Never Was

secret

I’ve written a blog.

It’s a secret blog.

It’s about something I haven’t seen.

It’s about something I haven’t touched.

It’s about something I haven’t heard.

It’s brilliant.

It’s a secret.

If you could read it, then you’d be really, really impressed, and leave me lots of comments, telling me how brilliant and funny I am.

You’ll never read it.

It’s a secret blog.

Feel free to comment anyway!

June 10, 2008. Tags: , . Uncategorized. 14 comments.

I (Heart) NY

Well, the countdown has begun. I’m sure there are many fans that are arriving in NYC over the next couple of days to see “Grease”. I wondered how many people were making their first trip to the Big Apple just to see the new Teen Angel.

Many of these folks may have purchased NYC guide books, but you know, those guidebooks just can’t cover all of the important details. I decided that maybe it would only be neighborly if I posted some additional information for all of the newcomers.

1. RESEARCH YOUR LODGING ACCOMODATIONS

A fancy sounding hotel name does not guarantee first class accommodations. This room was booked at the “Park Avenue Hillton” and was described as a spacious suite with a unique view of New York City, all for the bargain price of $250.00 a night.

hotel

2. WATCH WHAT YOU EAT

New York City is famous for it’sfood. Not only are there fabulous restaurants and cafes around every corner, but street corner food carts are known to offer delicious food at bargain prices. However, don’t be quick to order from the first cart that you see. The results can be disastrous.

food

3. ENJOY WATCHING THE PEOPLE

I’m a huge fanatic for people watching, and New York City is a wonderful location to see people from all walks of life. However, this is a big city made up of diverse people, and there are some people that you should not make eye contact with. In fact, there are some people, that if you come across them, you should run like hell to get out of the way.

flash

cowboy

pros

mug

nut

4. STREET SALES

There are “independent” merchants that you will encounter on the streets offering you many items for purchase. No, I’m not talking about drugs or sex, I’m talking about books, purses, artwork and other souvenirs. Be very careful what you purchase. I know that beautiful gold ring would look lovely on you, but when your finger turns green, you’ll realize that $75.00 was not such a great bargain.

See if you can tell what is wrong with this Rolex watch purchased by an unsuspecting tourist just last year.

watch

5. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE CORRECT THEATER ADDRESS

Since you will either be walking or taking a taxi to the theater on the night of the show, it is very important that you have the correct address to give to the driver. Not all NY taxi drivers have total command of the English language, and though they might seem as if they know where the “Brooks Atkinson Theater” is, you may just find yourself standing in front of the wrong location.

theater

6. AFTER THE SHOW

The show was wonderful. There’s just one more thing that you want to do, which is get a picture and an autograph of the Teen Angel. So, you decide that you’ll go around to the stage door and see if you can sneak inside to find him.

Meet Bubba. Bubba’s job is to keep you from getting inside of the theater. Bubba takes his job very, very seriously. Don’t mess with Bubba.

guard

June 4, 2008. Tags: , . Uncategorized. 6 comments.