Planning a trip to Nice? Asses Travel Guide is here to help! Since I’ve heard that they speak another language over there, I’m here to provide a few key phrases for you to learn before your trip. Practice these every day, and people will think you’re a native.

Patrouille d’Âme

Soul Patrol



où est mcdonalds

where is mcdonalds

Ayez-vous vu un homme à cheveux gris

Have you seen a grey haired man?

Mais l’Officier, je suis vraiment son chanteur de renfort. Je dois entrer dans le studio tout de suite.

But Officer, I really am his backup singer. I need to get into that studio right away.

Oh mon Dieu. J’ai passé tout cela l’argent et je n’ai pas même fini le voir.

Oh my god. I spent all this money and I didn’t even get to see him.

Pourquoi Jerry Lewis ?

Why Jerry Lewis?

Bon Voyage!


October 12, 2008. Tags: , , . Uncategorized.


  1. chill replied:

    Wow, MFOYAsses, how nice of you to do this for us! Think you could help with a couple more?

    I have a delivery for Mr. Hicks, can you give me the room number?

    Have you seen a guy carrying a flashlight and an umbrella?

    How much is my bail?

  2. makingfunofyourasses replied:

    J’ai une livraison pour M. Hicks, pouvez-vous me donner le nombre de pièce ?

    Avez-vous vu un gars porter une lampe de poche et un parapluie ?

    Combien sont ma caution ?

    and I forgot one:

    bruit sourd (thud)

  3. jerseyirish replied:

    Asses, The essentials for sure, perfect pharses when one would be traveling to Nice.

    Chill, hopefully no bail will be needed, but good to know just in case.


  4. makingfunofyourasses replied:

    Here’s one for therealrosie and all of her other aliases:

    Comment font vous aimez la musique d’accordéon dans la prison spam ?

    (Translated: How do you like the accordion music in spam jail?)

  5. henry8 replied:

    Playin a little Lawrence Welk for them? And aone and atwo. 🙂
    so far the only phrase I’m having any luck with is woo, I think I’ll just wait till he gets back home.

  6. makingfunofyourasses replied:

    They’re getting a little cranky in their cell…the language is getting quite colorful.

    I think I’ll switch over to bagpipes now.


  7. rosie replied:

    I’m always late to where the party is going on. Just made a few posts on the last blog. Asses you know your french. The only sentance I recall from 2 yrs of high school french is Open the window quickly now, if you please. So far in my life I have not found a use for it. Taylor is really living the good life. I hope his investments haven’t tanked. Even if he has lost some in the market he is plenty young enough as well as talented enough to recoup.

  8. makingfunofyourasses replied:

    Actually, rosie, I just know how to google 🙂

  9. chill replied:

    I didn’t retain anything from French class either. My French teacher was a slut who only paid attention to the boys. I’m telling the truth! LOL

  10. jerseyirish replied:

    Chill, I took Spanish my was a slut also maybe they were sisters. Only paid attentions to the boys also made it very clear she was not interested in the females doing well only “her boys”. Needless to say didn’t learn much or retain anything.

  11. jerseyirish replied:

    Opp’s should be mine.

  12. chill replied:

    Did she wear her dresses up to her butt cheeks too? haha, mind did.

  13. jerseyirish replied:

    Chill, yeah she did and sat on the boys desks putting her hands through their hair dropping her chest in their faces. I did learn one thing in that class how to shake a good milkshake.

  14. makingfunofyourasses replied:

    Somebody’s gotta ask the question…

    What does making milkshakes have to do with the Spanish language?

  15. chill replied:

    Damn, I have to go to work and won’t be able to learn the answer to that question until late tonight. haha You got me all curious.

  16. jerseyirish replied:

    Chill, not a whole lot to do with Spanish, she just had a way of shaking her chest in the boys faces, we used to say her blender is going again. It was definetly an experience being in that class. I would tell my Mom what would go on and she would look at me with such disbelief on her face and tell me a teacher wouldn’t do that, right!!! Back then teachers were not questioned, today a whole different story. My brother was 2 years ahead of me and when I would ask him about her he would just smile, years later he told me that he had a short but sweet time with her. So I’m guessing alot of the fellas had a short but sweet time with her also.

  17. makingfunofyourasses replied:

    I think that’s illegal in most states…

  18. jerseyirish replied:

    Asses, It is, but some do get away with it, more and more are being brought out today than ever before. It sad when someone who has such an impact on young peopole would do things like that but they do.

  19. spinshack replied:

    “dropping her chest in their faces. I did learn one thing in that class how to shake a good milkshake.”
    I figured that’s what you meant by that. hahahaha.

    In my high school we had this teacher who liked to fraternize with some of his students. He was a young guy and had his own rock band that played around Dallas clubs on the weekends. Invited me and friends to see him all the time. He was quite good, (as a guitarist, lol) yes, teachers can be that way. 😉

  20. chill replied:

    Judging by the number of comments in this post, I take it none of us are trekking to France?

  21. spinshack replied:

    My passport’s expired. ha.

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